Readers asked: I am married, and now they are facing the problem of the birth of both parents.
I didn’t want to give birth. I told my husband before marriage that the accidental pregnancy tire was stopped after marriage. After that, my mother -in -law began to spawn the second month, causing my instinctual rejection.
So far, I still don’t want to face these issues for more than a year. When I talk about having children, I have special resistance, chest tightness, uncomfortable, tears, and insomnia.
I am afraid that I will lose myself when I have a child. I am not in good health. I ’m afraid that I will be worse. After my mother is born, my mother -in -law will definitely come to live together to help bring the child. Although I understand that she is kind, I still prefer a free life.
The people around me talked about children all day, and it was not interested in my child. I couldn’t find the meaning of life. I was in a mess, and I felt difficult to be responsible for myself.
I feel that I do n’t have confidence, I do n’t feel good about doing anything, and I do n’t feel security. Even if I do n’t lack money, I still feel less earned. I do n’t know how to get along with others, and I do n’t know how to communicate.
I only know about obedience since I was a child.It’s really painful now, thinking that they all want children.
Even if you don’t urge, there will be intangible pressure, let alone your mother -in -law and mother will mention it from time to time, but I don’t want to violate my own wishes. What should I do?
General answer:
I am not ready to have children, or if I do n’t want to have children, my suggestion is not to give birth first. Without this subjective willingness, the probability of having a child will only make you more painful. It is irresponsible to yourself, and it is also irresponsible to the child.
But it is unrealistic that you don’t want to have children, and you don’t want to face the urging.
To be pessimistic, the environment is like this. You can not change your attitude and push. Your only choice is to rely on your own strength to make the best choice for you.
Many people do not know how to choose in front of choices. There is a very important reason that just want to accept good options and do not want to take goodbye.
But any "good" choice is relatively speaking, and there are absolute "bad" to be accepted.
Therefore, give up the fantasy, do not want to have children for the time being, and obey your wishes, but the cost is to resist external pressure. They are symbiotic.
It is impossible to accept only A side and do not face the B side.
But having said that, or mother -in -law, mothers, and so -called "others", you should not consider it first.
Instead, your husband’s attitude is more important.
Except for the beginning of a sentence to talk to my husband before marriage, in the whole question, you did not mention his thoughts again. Can he accept that he does not have children before marriage?Do you want a child after marriage?
The Chinese -style marriage package is basically a must -have for having children by default, and it can even be said that children are the most important prerequisite for many marriage.
I don’t think this is right, but in the current situation, you do not have a way to emphasize your wishes. Since you are married, considering the attitude and feelings of the other party, it is also one of the responsibilities.
If he doesn’t want children, or accepts children for the time being, then you can discuss how to communicate with the parents of both sides to reduce pressure for each other.
If he is also one of the pressure of giving birth to children, then you should discuss seriously if there is no child, whether the two sides can still accept this marriage to continue.
Maybe you feel the problem of having children, why do you want to continue marriage?
This is indeed the next topic, but it is also a very related topic.
Can’t solve the pressure you face. Instead, you can figure out the results that each option may appear. Choose early to make it better not to make up for the dead sheep.
Finally, I want to say that the state of your whole person is not particularly good now, sort it out for yourself!””
General Guo Guo, Master of Psychology of Bei Normal University, National Secondary Psychological Counselor, Han Han [ONE] popular author.8 years of psychological counseling experience, WeChat public account "We are sick in our hearts" (ID: STAYNORMAL), and the book "You who prefer self -healing in the world" is selling hotly.
